Dear Filing Cabinet,
We’ve been together a long time. For decades, you have been here in the office to welcome me and to help with the organizational measures in the office. As the old saying goes, however, all good things must come to an end, and the same is true for our professional and personal relationship.
I need you to know that this is not a decision that was reached lightly. There were a lot of factors that led me to determine it was time to terminate our time together. As I list them, you will likely come to see that our parting of ways really is the best thing for us to do at this time.
For starters, you have long since stopped providing me the support I really need. Your function when we first started our fling was to help me find needed information in a timely manner. I think we both know that this is no longer the case. I have to spend copious amounts of time trying to get the information I need from you, and even then, I usually come away with only some of the documents I need, and multiple paper cuts to remember the frustrating experience by.
Another reason I am more than ready to let you go is your needy nature. You require a lot of maintenance to keep everything neat and organized. I have had to be careful how I load each paper, and your balance is always something that has been a safety hazard. The time I have spent attending to your needs like squeaky drawers and loose handles has really cut into my productivity over the years.
The products that I have had to purchase in order to make you something that actually functions in a reasonable manner can get a little pricey. Hanging files, separators, tabs, and that weird stuff that I have to place on my fingers in order to get a good grip on the papers are all things I would like to not have to worry about any longer.
The expense needed to maintain our relationship also goes far beyond the need for the aforementioned folders. Your inability to efficiently store large amounts of paper have forced me to purchase many filing cabinets, and all of you needed a good place to stay. This means that I have to use commercial leasing space I pay good money for just to keep you in the office. I would love the chance to use that space and money in a much more exciting way.
Also, I find it completely frustrating that you insist on holding something that I have already broken up with: Paper! I made the decision to switch to a paperless office long ago, and yet you continue to be unfaithful to me by hoarding a lot of PAPER in your drawers. If I am to truly let go of paper and be more organized and environmentally-friendly, then, my friend, it is time for us to part ways as well.
Finally, it is time for me to let you know that the main reason I am so ready to end our relationship is because there is someone else. I have found another system that will help me fulfill all of your duties and so much more. Document Management Software, or DMS programs will store all of the documents you are now holding in a virtual database that literally takes up none of my office space.
This new program also allows me to find the items I need with the simple click of a few buttons. No longer will I have to endure the time-draining and heart-wrenching task of digging through your drawers with my fingers crossed that I will find what I need. Instead, the documents I am in search of will come to me in seconds without me ever having to leave my chair. I know it is hard to hear how easily and how well you have been replaced, but you needed to know that you truly are no longer needed here.
Surely you can see that this is a better fit for me and my needs. Your functionality has remained the same for years now. If you ever really cared about me and my needs, then you will understand why our breakup is such a necessary part of my growth. I really need to forge a relationship with something that will grow with me and my needs. I have dreams, and you have grown stagnant in your ability to fulfill my needs and wishes.
Thank you for your years of service, but kindly remove yourself from the premises.