Dear Sticky Notes,
We need to talk. I know you think we’ve had a good thing going, but it has come to my attention, dear sticky notes, that you have been slowing me down as of late. I never wanted to be one of those people who would drop a good thing when a new model came around the corner, but it turns out the new model is pretty exciting, and you were really never that good of a thing. It is time for us to part ways, at least here in the office.
Let’s start with your bright colors. When we first met more than 30 years ago, you were a pale yellow. Subtle, calming, and unassuming. Over the years, however, this has changed. I find your self-absorption is profoundly irritating; you sit atop my desk, attempting to distract me, your unusually bright color becoming an annoyance. You seem to demand attention with your fluorescent hues and strange shapes. It’s just too much.
Also, we need to discuss your age. You are in your mid-thirties, and what have you really accomplished? You peaked at a very young age, and have done very little since. Sure, you have more than 1,000 different products sold in 100 countries across the globe, but your basic function has remained the same. I can see right through all the ways you have tried to dress up your one-trick-pony of an existence. I really want to forge an office relationship with something that can grow with me and advance with the times. This just isn’t something you have ever been able to do for me.
Another issue that should be addressed is your messy nature. You marketed yourself as clean with an adhesive that is gentle and removable. What you failed to mention is that you are determined to leave a residue on every surface you come in contact with. When we first got going, I didn’t realize that you wanted to make the whole world sticky just like yourself.
Do you have any idea how many books you have ruined over the years? How many times have I blindly trusted you and used you as a book mark only to find later that you were leaving little bits of your glue on each page I affixed you to. This glue later hardened, leaving a brittle spot on the pages that became acidic. You never warned me that you were out to destroy my books, but the proof is in the damaged-book that is now ruined. You tried to hide it from me, but David Turner explained all about this dark side of you. Truly, this is nearing on unforgivable. Some people go for the bad boy persona, but this is far too destructive for my taste.
Your self-absorption causes another issue here in the office that we need to talk about. What do you have against recycling? You seem to have it out for the white paper we use by making it impossible to recycle if you are tagging along. The white paper is already pretty boring and has to take on the bulk of the work in the office. It doesn’t deserve to be bullied by you in the last stages. The State of California recycling office has gone so far as to call you a contaminant to high-grade paper, and most paper mills won’t even try to recycle you.
This is a pretty shocking thing to learn about someone who once told me they were totally environmentally-friendly. You have stood in the way of my efforts to lessen my carbon footprint for long enough.
Please know, dear sticky notes, that this is not a decision I am making lightly. The truth is that I have already found an excellent replacement for the utility you did not offer me. Yes, you have been a good way to remind of important things for years, but I have found something better.
DMS technology has offered me the ability to get reminders of important events in a much better fashion. Alerts are now sent to my phone, my desktop, through e-mail, and any other notification path I see as useful. This means that I get the reminders I need with all of the necessary information even when I am away from my desk. This is something you have never been able to handle.
Finally, the DMS technology is paperless. No longer will I have to feel guilt about using paper in your sticky note form. No longer will the office’s recycling efforts be thwarted by your bright dyes and adhesives. By breaking up with you, I can usher in a whole new era of personalized and paperless notifications and reminders. This system will grow with my needs in a way you have never been able to keep up with.
In closing, dear sticky notes, it is time for both of us to move on.