Dear Paper,

I’m not sure how to begin this letter, but I suppose the best thing I can do is to be completely honest. So, here it is—I’m dumping you. I realize this may come as a shock to you. After all, we’ve been together for more years than I can count. But recently, I’ve come to realize that I just deserve better.

I can’t say for sure when I began to realize that our relationship wasn’t meeting my needs anymore. Perhaps it was that time I had to spend hours looking for a simple form. I know I was the one who misfiled it, but you really just kept getting in the way, and I knew that I needed a more supportive system to help me through these kinds of difficult moments. You just weren’t there for me like you should have been.

There have also been times that I’ve felt like you’re smothering me. You seem to be everywhere, all the time—on my desk, filling my filing cabinets, overflowing from my desk drawers. You’re at my office, at my house, in my briefcase. You’re always around! Sometimes, I just need my space, and you never give it to me. I need someone who will give me some time for myself, who will let me have room to breathe.

You’ve caused me physical pain as well. I know you don’t mean to, but those paper cuts hurt. I’m tired of bumping into filing cabinets and throwing out my back carrying you everywhere with me. I need to take back my life and stop this abuse.

But mostly, I can’t move past how needy you are. You always want so much of my time! You need me to print you, fill you out, file you, fax you, mail you, and reprint you again and again. I just can’t take it anymore! You demand so much of me, and yet you give so little in return. I can’t handle this one-sided relationship anymore.

I realize now that I only ever started this relationship with you because I didn’t know that there was a better option out there. Then I stayed with you out of habit. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true.

In the interest of being honest, I suppose I should let you know: there’s someone else. I’ve found another way to manage my documents. I never realized just how supportive a document management system could be. It saves me time, gives me my space, keeps things organized, and helps me find things instantly. I realize now that this is the document management system I deserve, and so I have to end our relationship.

It’s not you. It’s me. Because I just deserve better.

I wish you all the best. Please don’t call me.


The Liberated Office Worker

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